like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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