i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
