I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
