hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
