my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
