cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
