This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
