Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
