Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
