if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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