I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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