wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
