you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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