My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
