So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
