3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
