Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
