if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
