I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
