Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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