That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
