Screwed.edu
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i out mim tonsoeep
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