Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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