the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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