there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
