He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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