Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
