Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
