I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
