On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i now understand why vodka
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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