Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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