I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
