So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
