God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
