It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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