my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
