There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
