Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
