Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
