"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
