Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
