Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your penis caused this!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
