If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
