We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
