im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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