Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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