It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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