im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So squirting runs in the family.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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