Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
