I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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