my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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