This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
