somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
