youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
