Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
