well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
