FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
